In a blink of an eye. Its May already.
I so did not see this coming. Who knew i could actually go through 4 whole months of college already?
This shows how fast time actually passes.
I only have today to chill. Assignment datelines and Assestments all coming in this month.
All due this month if i were to rephrase it properly.
I feel like I’m failing the job i was given. Not guiding the people properly.
But regretting. feeling like a failure. Not only in studies, but me myself as a person, towards my family and friends.
What more can I say? So what if I’m turning 18 this month? Legal to club? Legal to go in the cinemas for PG18? So what. Im not excited.
But yet, reflecting to myself. How much time i have wasted in my life.
Not knowing what to expect next.
Life. Moving on everyday, hoping for a better tmr.
Yet, everyday has its problems on its own.
Sigh. God please help me go through this.
Smiling on the outside, yet hurting in the inside.
Needing someone to talk to so badly :(
Hmm.
Feeling physically and mentally exhausted.
I don feel like myself anymore. I wake up everyday thinking about driving to college, doing my best and driving home with full of worries.
Thinking about my studies, thinking about my friends, thinking about the jobs, thinking about life, thinking about the future.
With no fail. Every morning when i drive to college alone, and when i drive back home. Ill start thinking. Its like a daily routine already. Where I’m driving the car and instead of turning the radio on. I just keep my thoughts to myself. And start driving.
I miss my old life. I miss my friends. I miss high school.
Why must life be so different now a days?
The world is really changing. No like literally.
Where global warming takes place, where democracy takes place.
I don know what the government is thinking now. But ever thought that, when the society gathers together to democrate. It means that they want to live a better life. And not get injurt or get killed or get tear gas by the cops.
Wasn’t democracy suppose to be peaceful? Where the society brings up something they feel will benefit the country even more? But no. The government and police decides to start a war or something.
I always believe that. Its true that, if you believe that you’re right. You SHOULD stand for your rights. But at times like this. Sometimes, we have to just let go our ego and understand and ACCEPT what others have to say.
Oh well. Not only is the country screwed. But the world is too. Facing global warming where literally you can see people start walking half naked on streets. Small kids being abducted while going to school?
All this people are so innocent. Why do all this kidnap cases even happen? Can’t you leave a small kid who is on the way to school not knowing what to expect next alone? Why do you have to bother them and kidnap them? YES. I AM TALKING TO WHO EVER WHO DID IT. SCREW YOU. GET A LIFE. GROW UP. AND BLOODY LEAVE THE INNOCENT KID ALONE!
Sigh. Life. Within a year. I have lost so many people who i am so close to. Not knowing what to expect next. Im really starting to be afraid. Wondering what will the world turn into in just a few more years. Im scared. Scared to see those people i am so close with leave me.
Lets just say. IM afraid to see what will happen next. What is planned for me in the future. Im really afraid to see it. Sigh.
This really feels like a roller coaster ride for me. I really am not ready for anything.
Why can’t you let me enjoy something i love doing while I still can? I’m not even asking for more. I’m just asking for one. not two not three. Why must life be so unfair? You allow some to do wtv they want. But yet you don’t allow some just because you don’t like it.
I decided to go up to you first because I trust that you will know what to say to me. Something comforting or at least something that made sense. Not a straight “NO” in my face. Crushing all my dreams.
At least i gathered all my courage and asked. What did you give me in return? I’m not even asking for a lot. I’m just asking because i know i want it. Sigh.
Everything has its pro and cons. Its just the matter of how you want to see it.
Quite obvious that i love to tumblr my feelings here especially when Im upset. At least i feel better after doing so.
I wonder what i’ve done wrong. No doubt. I’m doing my best to make sure I live up to the name i am given. I really did not see this coming at all. But what can i say now? Pretty much nothing.
Well, this showed me that life can be pretty unfair at times. Not only because you might have somethings today and lose it tmr. But also because you will never know what happens in the next second in your life.
I guess, I just have to accept the fact that in life. Anything can happen. So we as humans need to be physically and mentally prepared for what ever obstacles that we will be facing.
Well. Thats life. Wtv la. One word for tonight. = Disappointed.
You know what sucks the most? Losing something you never even saw coming. You thought you were doing the right thing the whole time. Yet something/someone just comes to you without even giving you a warning telling you you were wrong the whole time. Thats how bad it can get.
(Source: scratch3s)
Sigh. Why does life have to be so unfair? Why is everyone leaving one by one. Those you love so much. I can’t stand it anymore! This is fucking unfair! Those that done no wrong always gets all this shit! They don deserve it!
Praying hard and strong that God will bless you to recover. I really pray hard that God you will bless her to recover and that it won’t be anything too serious. Please. I can’t stand it anymore.
Praying hard that the whole family will stay strong. I know all of us including my family will pray hard for you to stay strong and recover. God please please please please help.
Sigh.
Should I do it while i still can? Or just forget about it? Not like I can. I tried. But its too hard to give up/let go something you love doing so much. Sigh.
I’m going to stop being that coward being so nice to you people snatching everything that is suppose to be mine. I’m going stop acting dumb and take back all those that I have lost and prove to you people that I can do even better!
Need to seriously start waking up.
You’re someone i look up to. Even though you might be really troublesome and whiny at times, but you’re definitely a person who never fails to bring laughter. Though you often forget who I am, but that doesn’t matter, because I know who you are. I remember just last week you were lying there talking to me. Asking me if i had a girlfriend, asking me to show you if i had one. It was just last week. You were there laughing and even insulting the fat lady opposite there asking why is she so fat when she really is pregnant. We all thought you were going to be fine. But you let all of us down, until your very last breath, you were suffering in the inside. We all knew that, I did. I love you a lot. I really do. I hope you’re doing well up there. You’ve been in this world long enough, and Im sure you’ve done everything you wanted already. With all of your children by your side when you leave. Knowing that they all love you. And Im sure you know who loves you the most. I’ll miss you deeply. I really really will do.
I’ve lost 4 relatives in just a years time. And I’m really missing you all a lot. As much as i hate all this to happen, its life. I get it its life. Just hope all of you are doing well up there. Know that, we’re all missing you deeply. I love you all alot.
18th March 2012, RIP Great-Grandmother.
(You’ve always will be the one i look up to)
I miss my Ah Kung a lot too. I regretted a lot of things when you left. Things that i haven gotten to do with you. I hope you’re doing well up there. Its been a year already. I miss you tones.
Life :/
I really am doing my best. I’m putting in all my effort. Yet my results are worst than shit. I think If i din put in any effort, i would probably get the same results anyway. So why bother continue-ing? First time i took it as a punishment. 2nd time, it happened again. Fuck this shit seriously. I’m here doing my best and this is why results i get. What the fuck did i do to deserve this? I don want to screw up and see my future go down the drain… Sigh. That feeling when you feel like you know every single shit but when you receive your examination paper you don know fuck. Worst of all, you thought you knew and could do everything, but you get fucking low results. So darn annoyed. Disappointed and frustrated at the same time.
And today, when no one was around, you decided to leave without a notice.
I hope you’re doing well up there. Because I’m sure we will all definitely miss you.
Tears rolling down my eyes knowing I can’t see/talk to you anymore.
Sigh, fucked up feeling.
Can’t believe this day finally came.
Exactly one year ago, my own grandfather.
Now, someone else. Sigh.
The undescribable feeling when you see someone lying helplessly on the bed in a hospital knowing theres nothing you can do but to see them slowly leave you.
Sigh.
